The key to a happy camper

How to handle homesickness

By Yaffi Spodek

Issue of June 5, 2009 / 13 Sivan 5769

After weathering an expensive year of yeshiva tuition, many parents are now shelling out thousands of additional dollars to send their kids to sleep-away camp this summer. While this may seem like money well spent –– what could be better than getting rid of your children for a month or two? –– cost alone does not guarantee that your child will be a happy camper, literally.

Sports, swimming, trips and other fun-filled activities aside, many children will experience homesickness while they are away, even at the best of camps.

“The first thing to remember is that some kids don’t get homesick,” said Adam Weinstein, the executive director of ACA (American Camp Association) - NY, in a phone interview. “A lot of parents don’t have to worry about it all.”

But those parents who do, can be assured that they are not alone.

According to Dr. Christopher Thurber, a psychologist from the Phillips Exeter Academy, homesickness is the norm, rather than the exception. In a study he conducted, he found that 83 percent of campers report homesickness on at least one day of camp, though he characterized it as “typically mild.”

“Nearly everyone misses something about home when they’re away,” Dr. Thurber writes on the mysummercamps.com forum. But, he says, “homesickness is something everyone can learn to cope with.”

There are multiple ways to combat the issue and ensure that your children’s feelings of homesickness will be minimized.

One strategy is for families to make camp decisions together, from what type of camp to attend, how long to stay, and what to pack. If possible, the family should also try to visit the camp before the summer. “If a child has a sense of where they’re going, that helps them feel more secure in a new environment,” says Weinstein.

Another idea is to practice being away from home, by sending children on sleep-overs and overnight trips to friends and relatives.

It is also important to give your child the message that they will succeed. “Let them know it’s OK if they miss home, and that’s perfectly normal, but you’re confident that they will be able to have this independent experience,” said Weinstein.

One thing which Weinstein strongly discourages parents from doing is offering a “pick up deal,” where parents tell a child that if they are miserable, they will be picked up to come home.

“You want your child to be focused on having a good time,” he stressed. “You want your child to feel like they will be OK.”

Sharon Sokel of West Hempstead, who has been the girls’ Camp Mother in Camp Morasha for multiple summers, offered her insights on the issue as well.

“I think parents should tell their kids to expect a good time,” she told The Jewish Star. “They should expect to have a great summer, expect to try out and enjoy new and different activities, expect to make new friends and expect to like their counselors. And if things aren’t exactly perfect, well that’s OK, too.”

After working with campers for several years, Sokel has learned that a positive attitude goes a long way towards an enjoyable summer.

“If children are encouraged to be flexible and positive in their thinking, then they have a better chance of adjusting to the inevitable problems and disappointments that just might get in the way,” she continued. “And when these problems or disappointments crop up, children have to know that they can and should talk to their counselor.”

Like Weinstein, Sokel also highlighted the role that parents should play in giving their children positive reinforcement. “Children have to be told by their parents that their parents want them to have a good time,” she said.

Another way to help your children adjust to camp is to send them letters and packages while they are away. “It reminds the kids that their parents aren’t so far away,” said Sokel. “Plus, receiving letters –– only good news, please –– and packages makes the child feel so special for that moment.”

Although it can sometimes put a damper on an otherwise enjoyable camp experience, homesickness is not necessarily negative. According to Dr. Thurber, it builds confidence.

“Overcoming a bout of homesickness and enjoying time away from home nurtures children’s independence and prepares them for the future,” he noted. “The fact that second-year campers are usually less homesick than first-year campers is evidence of this powerful growth.”

Dr. Thurber also pointed out that homesickness does have a “silver lining.”

“If there’s something about home children miss, that means there’s something about home they love, and that’s a wonderful thing,” he said. “Sometimes just knowing that what they feel is a reflection of love makes campers feel better.”