David's Harp: Bye George!

In recent days, George Mitchell, the U.S. Special Envoy to the Middle East for peace negotiations between Israel and the Palestinians, resigned. The historic resignation and conversation that took place in the oval office coincided with Take Your Daughter to Work Day. It was an opportunity for young Sasha to continue her education of world politics and also a chance to break in her new mini-tape recorder that she received for her birthday from Julian Assange.

George: Mr. President, I want to thank you for the opportunity that I’ve had to serve our great nation but unfortunately I must resign in order to spend more time with my family.

Obama: Oh cut it out George, nobody in their right mind wants to spend more time with their family. Look at me, I live and work in my house and I’ve got my daughter following me around. I’d resign in a minute if it would get me away from my family. Besides, by the time it takes a person to get their family to all get along, you could probably bring about peace in the Middle East.

George: Well, Mr. President, that is precisely what I’ve been working on… Middle East peace.

Obama: Oh yeah, that’s right. Hey George, did you hear I shot Osama, right in the head, bull’s eye. It’s all top secret, but I actually flew out to Pakistan and shot him with my own gun.

George: That’s very funny, Mr. President.

Obama: No. I’m not kidding. I actually flew the plane all by myself, just me and a couple of secret service guys. Not even a flight attendant or crew. I served all the drinks and peanuts. Me, all me, I did it all.

George: Are you sure you’re okay, Mr. President?

Obama: I feel great, better than ever. The best I’ve ever felt. Did you hear, I’m an American citizen, now. Just got the papers. Here look, look, look at them. You can hold them. Just don’t smudge it, don’t smudge, they’re still drying.

George: Yes, sir, that’s very impressive.

Obama: I’m on a roll, baby. So let’s get this Palestine deal taken care of, ASAP, STAT.

George: I can appreciate your fervor Mr. President. But I really must step down at this time. I don’t think there is more I can do for this situation.

Obama: George, I’m begging you to stay, I just don’t have the time to start looking for someone else to handle this, and it has to be fixed right now.

George: Mr. President, do you think there is imminent danger?

Obama: Yes for sure, at any moment Donald Trump can challenge me about what I’m doing with my Middle East policies. What seems to be the hold up over there?

George: It appears that ever since you made restrictions and limitations for negotiating, by telling the Israelis that they can’t build on their own land… all talks have stopped. Usually we save the negotiations for when both sides sit down together, not before they sit down. The Palestinians refuse to come to the table.

Obama: What if I cut off aid to Israel? We give them billions.

George: It is certainly a thought, but the 3 billion dollars we give… most of that they spend in New Jersey. We would have to close down factories in Newark and Passaic; and American unemployment would rise.

Obama: I certainly don’t want the unemployment to get any worse; we’ve got an election coming up. Can I pay off the Palestinians to have peace?

George: Each year we give Gaza and Hamas close to a billion dollars and they keep shooting kassam rockets into Israel and trying to kill Jewish civilians. We’ve given hundreds of billions to Pakistan and they wouldn’t even tell us that Bin Laden was in their capital city’s suburbs.

Obama: Say, did I tell you how I shot Obama, I mean Osama, I even get confused. Did I tell you that I not only flew the plane to Pakistan, but I built it with my own hands and gassed it up.

George: I thought we used stealth top-secret helicopters.

Obama: That was top secret, how did you know?

George: You told People magazine and Oprah.

Obama: They’ve got big mouths. I just had a thought. What if we just cut the land in half and gave each side 50 percent?

George: Well, Mr. President, the history in that region clearly shows that the Israelis got 25 percent and the Arabs got 75 percent. And then the Israelis gave up 50 percent of their 25 percent. And then the Israelis gave up all the Sinai Peninsula, which was 94 percent post 1967 lands. They also pulled out of all of the Gaza Strip and numerous villages and towns in the West Bank and all the while were engaged in major wars, Intifadas, suicide terrorist attacks and U.N. condemnations. And the Palestinians still want 100 percent of everything. The Israelis are still willing to negotiate with these very same people who have murdered and kidnapped Israelis, rejoiced over 9-11 and condemned the killing of Osama bin Laden.

Obama: You want to see the pictures? If you stay in the Middle East, I’ll let you see the Bin Laden headshots. Get it? Headshots? They’re real; we didn’t Photoshop this at all. To tell you the truth Sasha’s the only one in the building who knows how to use Photoshop, Facebook and ‘tweeter.’

George: Mr. President, I really must go now. But good luck with the Middle East.

Obama: I should just send in some good old American troops. You know I sent them to Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya. I’m gonna probably send some to Egypt and Yemen and Syria. These dictators are all slaughtering their own people, so we’re going in there to drop some bombs on them and fix it all. Sasha don’t touch Daddy’s Nobel Peace Prize! Put that down, Daddy may not get another one. So George, what’s it gonna be? Get back over there and tell the Israelis to let some more terrorists out of their prisons and make nice, nice?

George: Mr. President, you know the Israelis resent that they have to keep releasing all these terrorists from prison while we still have the harmless Jonathan Pollard locked up.

Obama: That’s ridiculous Jackson Pollack is a great artist and an American hero, so get over to Israel now. I would go myself but the electrical current adapter for my overseas teleprompter is missing. I think the kids used it for a Wii game and now the White House keeps blowing fuses every time we flip a switch. I’m telling you George nobody leaves a good job to spend more time with the family.

George: Goodbye Mr. President.

Obama: Don’t forget to take a White House souvenir long form birth certificate on the way out. Bye George.