Ask Aviva: Refereeing mom & dad

Dear Aviva,
 I’m 14 years-old and my parents are crazy. They cannot get along and are always fighting with each other. I don’t care when they fight. I only care when they bring me into it. Sometimes it’s just a tiny thing like if I was with my mom when she was buying something and my dad wanted something else, and he gets mad that she didn’t get what he wanted. Then my mom will call me in to prove to my dad that the store didn’t have what he wanted. I hate it. I really hate it and want them to leave me out of it. Can you tell me how to get them to stop?
 
-Judge Judy
 
Dear Judge Judy, 
You’ve definitely judged this situation correctly--you should not be the one who has to get in between your parents. This is not fair to you, and not healthy for your parents. I think we should make a plan of DDR, Discuss, Discuss and Resist.
n #1-Discuss. Wait for a time of peace and calm when you are alone with one of your parents. If there is never a time of peace and calm, then let one of your parents know that you want to talk about something privately. Tell your parent that you are a kid and need to stay a kid and when your parents bring you into their disagreements, it is not letting you be a kid. Give examples. Ask your parent to please leave you out of it next time.
n#2-Discuss. Repeat this step with the other parent. It’s essential that you do this with both parents, even if you think that one of them wouldn’t get it. So muster up the guts and make sure both of your parents hear this message.
n#3-Resist. Now comes the hardest part. When your parents are going at it and try to bring you in, resist it. The first few times will be the hardest. But this is when your message to them will be the clearest. If you are able to resist getting involved in the midst of the moment, they will get that you are serious. You will be surprised how they will not push you more if you say, “I’m not getting involved” when they call you. The more you say it, the more they will get it. And try to say it with a calm tone each time.