Ask Aviva: Flustered


Dear Aviva,

Why is it that some people don’t get phased by life and its stress? I’m not

one to freak out over every little thing, but life is really hard! I know

there are people out there like me, but I also see some people who just

roll with whatever comes their way. Even when major things get thrown to

them, they calmly continue and don’t get rattled by it. Is there something

that I am missing?


Dear Flustered,

Good question! So what you’re saying is that you are curious why some

people are able to just keep dodging through life, while you keep getting

punched out of the rink.

My question to you is how do you know that others keep dodging? Did you

interview their family members? Did you have them followed? Did you move in

with them for a few months? Don’t think that just because someone has a

smile on his face he is fine. You really don’t know what’s going on all the

time, or how a person lets out steam. In many cases, you’d be very


Also, how do you define “major things”? Everybody has strengths, and

everybody has weaknesses. While some may be able to make it through full

blown bedbug infestations without losing their cool, they may have trouble

keeping up with the regular laundry once they’ve unpacked.

In cases major and minor, it is very important for a person to check in

with themselves often. Self- talk like, “This stinks!” helps a person

acknowledge that he or she is going through a stinky time. Then comes the

pull-through, “But I can do this.” Life is very, very hard. Some things

that are hard for others are easy for you and vice versa. Sometimes the

only way that we pull through is by pushing ourselves bit by bit.

Without checking in and acknowledging how tough things can be, we will

either fall apart at any little thing, or hold it in until we explode a

week later. Or we may become numb. This is the most dangerous way to cope.

Imagine people with a severe medical condition in which they are unable to

feel pain. Their brain is not able to receive the message of a cut, pinch,

burn or scrape. It may sound nice at first, to live a boo-boo free life.

But in reality, it is actually setting the stage for a life laden with

injuries—injuries that could have been stopped at first bump. These sort of

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