That's Life 12-25-09
Issue of Dec. 25, 2009 / 8 Tevet 5769
Dear That’s Life,
I am the self-declared Queen of Chelm and will forever reign. And just when I think things are becoming normal and nothing else bizarre or strange could happen, I remember that mine is a lifetime appointment.
The following are the new questions I will ask applicants for the housekeeper position that will soon be available at my home. All are based on actual events that have transpired recently with the housekeeper I currently have as this column goes to press.
1. This question is reminiscent of my son’s math homework: If all of the dishes in the meat dishwasher are meat, and all of the meat dishes go in the meat cabinet, then where do the dishes in the meat dishwasher go? (Answer: in the meat cabinet. Not in the pareve cabinet or any other non-meat cabinet, for that matter. And please, do not ask me again if the dishes in the meat dishwasher are all meat. Please. I’m begging you.)
2. If the box of Ziploc bags has a picture on the front of a bag being used to store meat, does that mean that the bags may ONLY be used to store meat? (Answer: No. The manufacturer is just showing you one way the bag may be used. It is not the only way it may be used because, after all, it is only a BAG.)
3. If a child’s school project is in a shopping bag next to the front door, should you throw it away or should you first ask what it is? (Answer: ask first. Please, please, ask first.)
4. If we are running low on an item that is critical to the smooth running of a busy household, such as milk, eggs, orange juice, grape juice, toilet paper or garbage bags, should you wait until there is absolutely nothing left to alert the homeowner or should you let her know in advance of running out? (Answer: tell her before there is nothing left. She may be really annoyed when you tell her on Friday afternoon that there are only two garbage bags left.)
5. If you are specifically asked to leave on any lights that were left on, on Friday afternoon, should you turn off all of the lights around the house before you go to sleep on Friday night? (Answer: No. Leave the lights alone. Even if you don’t get it or understand why it is the way it is, just respect that this is what you’re being asked to do, or not do, as the case may be.)
