Opinion: Why I don't Facebook

By Rabbi Reuven Spolter

Issue of January 8 2010/ 22 Tevet 5770

Usually, I like being at the front of a tech curve. I like technically oriented magazines, blogs and podcasts. I designed my own website and love working with digital media. Despite this, I never opened a Facebook account (nor do I Tweet). Why not? I can boil it down to three reasons.

Time Wasting:

The NY Times recently published an article about kids who swore themselves off of Facebook and watched their grades (and real friendships) improve. I already blow a staggering amount of time on the Internet (see above). I console myself by telling myself that at least some of it carries a redeeming Torah value. I spend too much time reading news, checking the weather — you name it. I’m fairly confident that this phenomenon is not unique to me. But Facebook raises time wasting to an entirely new level. Now, I don’t just have to keep up with famous people. Now I have to follow everyone: my friends, their friends, and their friends. And their pictures. And fun videos that they’ve flagged. And articles they’ve commented on. There’s an almost infinite amount of Facebook-worthy material for me to peruse. Who has time for all of it?

Then there’s Farmville, Mafia Wars and other social network games. These incredibly addictive, viral, mind-blowingly-time-wasting games suck people in and then get them to pay real money for online “property.” I actually think that these types of games border on evil. If you want to waste your own time, that’s one thing. But creating a game that asks people to waste time along with you to suck them in — that’s an ethically questionable practice. I can only imagine the amount of time people spend on these games.

Minutia and  Friendship:

The funny thing about “friends” on Facebook is that they’re not really friends. They’re more like acquaintances; people that you know casually and keep track of. Do you really care what your friend had for lunch or whether his kid has a cold (sure, it’s a pain to them, but do you really need to know)? I would love a forum where I could talk with real friends about real things, but Facebook isn’t built for that. It’s more about quick hits and short status updates — Twitter on steroids, 140 characters at a time. I probably could build a closed Facebook group for my close friends to discuss real things, but then I’d have to deal with issue #1 (see above).

Modesty

There’s something inherently immodest about the whole idea of Facebook. I don’t mean immodesty in the skirt-length way, but rather in a lifestyle kind of way. Facebook is about broadcasting my status — what I’m doing, thinking, eating, which video games I’m playing — for the world to know. It makes everyone a mini-celebrity. I promote myself because my gripes about my kids’ homework or what we had for dinner must obviously be important news. But this very notion of celebrity runs against the principle of modesty. Modesty teaches us to live a proper life without broadcasting details to the world — the very opposite of the Facebook ideal.

We live in a world fascinated with celebrity. Everyone wants to be famous — either for gatecrashing the White House or planting sweet potatoes in their virtual garden. Judaism wants us to do the opposite: to lead real, meaningful lives in which we engage with and study Torah with our real friends, children, and families. And, when we do these real things, we don’t tell anyone about them.

G-d knows. And that’s more than enough.

Questions or comments? Contact Rabbi Reuven Spolterat at newsroom@thejewishstar.com