He did what! A review of Circumcise Me

By Michael Orbach

But then I’m just kibbitzing.

Circumcise Me is the story of Campbell’s journey to Judaism. That, of itself, wouldn’t necessarily qualify as the subject of a substantial play, but Campbell proved so bad at converting that he had to do it three times: first to Reform Judaism, then to Conservative Judaism and then finally to Orthodoxy. Campell was so dedicated to becoming Jewish that he was circumcised a total of three times.

Or, as he said it so well: “Three times isn’t a religious covenant, it’s a fetish.”

Campbell shambles onstage appearing every bit a Chassid: long beard, black hat and rekel (long, black coat), and carrying what he calls his chassidishe briefcase — a plastic bag with Hebrew lettering on it.

“You spend $3,000 on a fur hat, but you can’t buy a canvas bag?” he laments.

Campbell claims he is actually not a Chassid. “I’m not charedi: I’m wearing a blue shirt!” he pointed out.

Campbell began life as Christopher Campbell. Born to a lapsed Catholic family (or in his words during the play:  “I’m the first-born son of a manic-depressive Italian woman and a pathologically silent Irishman which makes me wildly emotional in a very quiet way.”) Campbell became an alcoholic as a young teen. After striking a priest with his car he joined Alcoholics Anonymous. In his twenties, while residing in a recovery house, Campbell read Leon Uris’ Exodus.

“Sarah Palin is right,” he quips, “literature is dangerous.”

Inspired, Campbell first converted to Reform Judaism, undergoing a conversion process which included a mikvah and the ritual letting of a drop of blood for the already circumcised, hatafat dam bris.

“It sounded like a drink that should come with an umbrella,” he said.         He married his then-girlfriend, an  Egyptian Muslim whose father demanded he convert to Islam. That prompts the best line of the play, as he recalls telling his future father-in-law: “If I belong to all three major religions in one calendar year, people are going to doubt my sincerity.”

Later, Campbell underwent a Conservative conversion and finally moved to Israel for a full Orthodox conversion. Campbell eventually married the woman who was his Talmud teacher in Israel, where he now lives, and with whom he has three children. By the end of the ninety-minute show, Campbell eventually meets hardship and realizes that conversion isn’t an answer to five questions but a life-time journey. Being Jewish ain’t easy — then again, no one ever said it should be — but Campbell, in his hilarious play, proves again it is worthwhile.

In between the larger questions, he also provides a brilliant critique to his new religion.

“Is it me or is it hot in here?” Campbell asks as he enters onstage. As the crowd murmurs in agreement, he answers his own question. “I thought it was because I was dressed for Poland in the 1700’s.”

He even offers a suggestion to get the Chareidi population into the IDF, in light of recent protests: tell them there’s a gay pride parade in Lebanon.

“They’ll be in Beirut by Mincha.”

And the audience, which included  Jews of all stripes, laughed along with him, proving that if there’s one thing we Jews can do, it’s laugh at ourselves. The elderly bubby who sat behind me, and offered a line-by-line commentary on Campbell’s act, nearly guffawed herself to death. Circumcise Me is an unlikely, but forceful, call to unity, or as Campell says: “It doesn’t matter what denomination you belong to, so long as you’re ashamed of it.”

It would be falsely superlative to call this the funniest one-man show ever, since I haven’t seen any others, but I feel I can say with certainty that it’s the funniest show about circumcision since the Spanish Inquisition — and any man who’s willing to undergo 3 circumcisions to become Jewish deserves our support.

Circumcise Me is booked  at the Bleeker Street Theatre until January 3, 2010. More information is available on the website: www.circumciseme.com. In the words of Stephen Colbert, whose praise appears on ads for Circumcise Me,  go see Campbell “before he turns Buddhist.”

Questions or comments? Contact Michael Orbach at morbach@thejewishstar.com