David's Harp: Moshiach's travel agent

“Hello; Israel Tour and Travel Agency, may I help you?” The female voice over the phone asks. “Yes, I would like to go to Jerusalem,” the deeper voice on the other end of the phone responds. “Have you traveled with us before?” she questions. “No, this will be my first time going to Israel,” he answers. “Then I just need to take a few moments to fill out some information; what is your name?” She asks. “I am Moshiah,” he declares.

“Okay, so that’s… last name Shiach, first name Moe. Now Mr. Shiach what is the purpose of your trip?” The pitter-patter of her keyboard can be heard dancing in the background. He explains, “I’m going to bring to the Jewish people a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood where they will treat each other with respect and kindness. They will cease from envy, Lashon Horah and pettiness and they will rebuild their former holy sanctuary of peace. All mankind will come to know the potential of a world filled with love.” After listening carefully she confirms, “Got it, so that would be… business. You are going to need a work visa if you plan on staying for longer than three months. When will you be traveling, Mr. Shiach?”

He doesn’t hesitate, “As soon as possible. It is important that I catch the earliest and most direct flight.” She is very obliging and immediately starts booking the important details. “What kind of kosher meal will you need? There are a number of options. Of course, there’s the regular kosher fare that the airline provides, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Some halachik issues bring doubt to the continuity and strength of the supervision. I would suggest any of the additional kosher offerings. There is glatt kosher, kosher chicken, kosher fish, kosher vegetarian, kosher low salt, kosher diabetic, kosher gluten free, kosher low lactose, kosher lactose intolerant, kosher vegetarian Lacto-Ovo, kosher vegetarian Hindu, kosher fruit platter and then there are the mehadrin strictly kosher meals which can be ordered under any of the following 12 hashgachic rabbinical authorities…” He interrupts, “I’ll have the fish.”

She notes his request, “I don’t blame you, one can never be too careful. I also need to know about your return flight and if you need additional luggage checked. It’s $50 for each piece and $79 for overweight bags in excess of 70 lbs. Oh and blankets are $25 and pillows are 10, headsets are first come first serve at $15 with a limit of two per family. Will you be traveling with a spouse or children?” The Moshiach makes it clear, “I am flying alone, one-way and without any luggage.” There is silence and then the travel agent cautiously speaks, “I see, well, I’m afraid there are some security issues that might red-flag your travel plans. We are going to have to refer you to the National Transportation Safety Board.

The Moshiach is firm, “Do you know who I am? I need to be on the next flight and I don’t won’t to hear any excuses or nonsense.” He is no match for the travel agent. “Now listen up, Moe, I’m just doing my job. There’s no reason to take that tone with me. Everyone is important but rules are rules. The world will survive if Moe Shiach is a little bit delayed. You’ve apparently taken this long to go to Israel; what’s a few more days or weeks? Is there anyone awaiting your arrival?” The Moshiach quickly and loudly answers, “Yes, as a matter of fact, Bnai Yisroel!” Before slamming down the phone she says, “Well, then you’ll just have to call and say you’re going to be late; and the waiting will just have to continue for Mr. Benny Yisroel.”