David's Harp: Depart-mental Diplomacy

“Hello is this the U.S. Department of State?” the voice whispers. “We like to call ourselves the Department of Diplomacy in Action,” the friendly voice on the phone answers. There is a moment of silence and then the whispering voice continues. “I’m on an international flight and there is a terrorist on board.” The friendly voice
says, “We don’t call them terrorists, in fact, there are no terrorists. S o m e t i m e s
there are disgruntled workers who have an agenda, but that’s only after we’ve had
a complete investigation to evaluate the situation.”

“What are you talking about?” his whispering level becomes elevated. “There is a man on this plane yelling ‘allah akbar’ and running up and down the aisles.” Again there is silence for just a moment and then the cheery voice replies, “The Muslim
call to prayer is one of the prettiest sounds on earth.” The whisper is now a shout. “I’m not on earth, I’m on a plane and…” He starts whispering again. “There’s a guy with what appears to be explosives strapped to his chest, he’s got a semi automatic
weapon in one hand and a box cutter in the other hand with which he just stabbed a stewardess.” Now the friendly voice becomes upset. “I must warn you that the term is not ‘stewardess’ it is ‘flight attendant’ although ‘air hostess’ is acceptable as well but male flight attendants do not appreciate the title ‘air host’ and prefer to be called a ‘crew member’ or a ‘cabin attendant.’ You should also note that
the term ‘steward’ actually applies to one who works on a ship.”
The man on the plane is incensed. “While you’re doing nothing the terrorist just pushed a disabled man in a wheel chair right out of the plane.” The State Department voice on the phone warns. “Please I’ve already told you that there are no such things as terrorists and you should know that this call is being recorded
and just documented that you said the words ‘a disabled man in a wheel
chair.’ The man is ‘differently-abled’ and ‘wheel chair bound.’ There is no
need to degrade him.” The man on the plane replies, “Degrade him? He’s free falling as we speak somewhere over the Orient.” Shooting can be heard in the background. “I’m afraid I just wont stand for that kind of language,” the governmental worker warns. “You should have said, ‘He is free falling over Asia’ not the Orient.”
The sound of shooting continues. The man on the plane screams, “Oh my god, oh my god, he’s killing passengers!”
The voice of the State Department says, “You just said “god,” and due to the separation of church and state, I am going to have to discontinue this conversation. Thank you for calling the U.S. Department of Diplomacy in Action.”