Wanted: Golem for light cleaning/tutoring

Online ad seeks assistance in creating supernatural household help — references required

By Michael Orbach

Say you're in need of a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic being derived from Jewish lore. Where do you turn?

Craigslist, of course.

A three-member family in Astoria, Queens, was apparently seeking a rabbi "versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create a golem," according to an unusual ad posted Saturday night under the Domestic Gigs section of the online classified ad site.

Don't expect the Golem to be able to slack off. His duties would include, "rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our everyday lives."

All that the requested Rabbi of the Dark Talmudic Arts would be required to do is animate the creature. The family would provide "all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc)  to create the Golem."

You probably won't be surprised to learn that The Jewish Star has determined there is no actual family living in Astoria seeking a Rabbi versed in the "Dark Talmudic Arts." The ad was the brainchild of improv comedian and arts educator Louie Pearlman, of Astoria.  He and his roommates came up with the idea late one night.

It refers to the supernatural creature said to have been created to protect the Jewish community of late 16th century Prague by the rabbi known as the Maharal.

"It's weird when you're in the [entertainment] industry and you do something for five minutes that gives you more attention than you've had for five years," he said.

Pearlman's favorite part of the ad is the part that specifies they don't want Gollum, a character from Lord of the Rings.

Not "Gollum," the ad specifies, "a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for 'precious.' This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum."

"My roommate thought it was important to differentiate, that the family had in the past gotten Gollem and they needed to make it clear," Pearlman explained.

Since the post has been up, he's received a number of responses from people making various offers.

One advised the family to purchase a volume called "Sefer Yetzirah" from "any upstanding Judaica or mysticism shop."

The letter concluded:

"Usage of said book, with a simple eHow tutorial should go a long way to allowing you to make your golem yourself, from the comfort of your own backyard. It will save you pocket cash on the exorbitant kabbalist fees too."