Seidemann: The Facebook in the mirror

From the other side of the bench

by David Seidemann

This past Sunday night my second daughter celebrated her bas mitzvah; a week earlier we celebrated the wedding of a cousin; this past Shabbos we joined together for Shabbos Sheva Brachos; and Wednesday night my eldest daughter graduated from Bnot Shulamith Middle School. Each milestone was the end of an auspicious beginning. I spoke to both daughters at their milestone occasions as well as to my niece at her wedding and shared with each of them the same sentiment: While some parents shower their kids with vacations, designer clothes and jewelry as milestone gifts, we believe a more appropriate bat mitzvah, graduation, or wedding gift is something we have been trying to give them since they were born: love.

When a child feels love from a parent or teacher, they internalize it and feel love for themselves. A child who feels love for himself is much more likely to feel love for his parents and siblings, his friends, and, in our case, his or her G-d and G-d’s way of life as prescribed for man. Teaching a child to love herself, in my estimation, is the best gift one can ever give. Self-awareness results in personal responsibility and that is the only way this world will ever correct itself.

Fixing one’s self is really the prelude to fixing others. Overlooking our shortcomings and labeling the rest of the world as the party in need of fixing is a trap many of us fall into. Here’s a true story I heard from a client that makes this point in a humorous but tragic fashion.

My client is a successful doctor in the Bronx. She arranged with her sister, who lives in a foreign country, to meet in Israel. As is the practice of most Orthodox Jews upon landing in Israel, the first place they visited was the Kotel, the Western Wall. Being exercise freaks, my client, her sister and her sister’s husband decided on a late-night walk through the winding roads that lead to the Kotel.

They made a left when they should have made a right and found themselves in the Arab Quarter, surrounded by four Arabs. Somehow they managed to run to safer territory, eventually arriving at the Wall unharmed.

My client and her family were shaking like lulavs in a shteibel when they got to the Kotel and committed to spending the first few minutes thanking G-d for saving them. Only after that period of grace did my client take out the written list of supplications she had prepared and began to pray for her needs; her prayers were interrupted by the wailing of the woman standing next to her. Her tears were flowing, her fists pounding on the ancient stones, and her words were difficult to make out amid all the screams and crying.

“Master of the Universe, save me. Master of the Universe, answer my prayers,” she repeated, over and over, before finally throwing herself to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. My client was so moved that she folded the piece of paper which contained her innermost supplications and placed it back in her pocket. “G-d, whatever I wanted can’t be as important as what this crying woman needs,” she said. “Forget my prayers for the moment and answer the prayers of this distraught woman.”

My client approached the woman and said, “Whatever is troubling you, sister, please let Hashem answer your prayers. And if there is anything I can do, please let me know and I will assist you or pray with you.” “Thank you so much,” said the woman through her tears. “It is so nice to have someone to share my burden with.” My client asked, “What is troubling you? Is there something I can do to help?”

“Well, the woman responded, “I just came back from a class on the evils of the Internet and it is true — it is all true. All of us are going to Gehenom. We have so dirtied our souls that we have reached the point of no return. It is because of this that I weep.”

My client was so relieved that this woman was not crying because of an illness but she could not help but think that the woman’s reaction might have been extreme. My client placed her arm around the lady’s shoulders and said, “Hashem should help you find peace and should help you find a way to deal with this issue.” With that my client left the Kotel area.

The woman who, moments earlier, had been crying her eyes out, caught up to my client and said, “You are so wonderful. You’re an angel. Your concern for me makes me feel so optimistic for the future of our people. I really want to stay in touch with you. Are you on Facebook?”

This story is not made up. As humorous as it is, it underscores how we are all inclined to pinpoint the cause of the world’s problems everywhere else; we fail to realize that we, ourselves, might be part of the problem.

David Seidemann is a partner with the

law firm of Seidemann & Mermelstein.

He can be reached at (718) 692-1013

and at ds@lawofficesm.com