Only a partial teshuva, done with a full heart
In Devarim 11:26 we read, “See, I set before you today a blessing and a curse.” Imagine standing before two clearly marked paths, one leading upward toward light and one fading into shadow, and knowing the choice is entirely yours.
Parshas Re’eh opens with this challenge to look with clarity at the direction we are taking.
This Shabbos is Shabbos Mevarchim, when we bless the coming month of Elul. Elul places that same challenge before each of us: will this be a season of real movement toward personal growth, or another year of remaining exactly as we are?
We know the ideal. The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva describes complete return as abandoning a sin entirely, removing it from our thoughts, resolving never to return, and reaching a point where G-d Himself could testify that we will not repeat it. That is the gold standard, yet many of us feel far from it. Our reality is often more modest: less gossip, more patience, a bit more concentration during tefillah. Can such partial steps truly matter?
The Mishnah at the end of Yoma points us toward an encouraging answer. Rabbi Akiva teaches that G-d purifies us in two ways: like a mikvah, which requires total immersion, and like the sprinkling of the Parah Adumah, which can purify with even a single drop. The mikvah represents those rare moments when we are completely immersed in change, such as Ne’ilah on Yom Kippur. The sprinkling represents the steady, smaller steps we take daily. Both count. Both transform.
• • •
I have three small sons, and bath time is an important routine in the Berlin home. I know my two-year-old will get dirty again very quickly, but I never say I am not going to bother bathing him because the cleanliness will be short-lived. I know there is a good chance my children will get dirty between bath time and bedtime, but I bathe them anyway. Without regular cleansing, the dirt builds up.
Even if the child will be messy again before bedtime, each bath teaches the joy of feeling clean. Elul and the High Holidays work the same way. Even if we know we will stumble again, we wash away the year’s buildup so we can remember what it feels like to be pure.
The Shem Mishmuel notes that the shofar recalls “Vayipach B’Apav Nishmas Chayim,” when G-d breathed His essence into us as a living soul. Blowing the shofar acknowledges that spark and reminds us it is still there. Teshuva uncovers that spark, even for a moment, so we remember who we truly are.
A young girl once walked into a jewelry store in Israel, pointed to a $3,000 bracelet, and said she wanted to buy it for her older sister who had been caring for her since their parents died. She emptied her pocket, offering less than eight shekels, and the storekeeper told her it was exactly the right price, wrapping the bracelet as she wrote a card. Later, the older sister arrived to return it, insisting her sibling could not have paid, but the jeweler replied that she had paid in full with seven shekels, 80 agurot, and a broken heart.
This is Elul. We point to a bracelet, a year of blessing, health, and redemption, something far beyond what we could afford spiritually. We place on the counter our few mitzvos, our sincere promises, and our heartfelt tears. And G-d, our Father in Heaven, looks at us with love and says, “You have paid in full.”
As we enter Elul, let us strive for as much teshuva as we can. This week, choose one small area to improve, whether it is a single blessing recited with full concentration, a moment of patience, or an opportunity to hold back from gossip, and make it yours. Make it sincere.
May our efforts, however imperfect, rise before G-d as fully accepted, so that we may be blessed with a year of growth, joy, and a deep and enduring connection to the Almighty.
Rabbi Benny Berlin is spiritual leader of BACH Jewish Center in Long Beach.
Write: Columnist@TheJewishStar.com
