More than a business: Message for 17 Tammuz

One summer morning, I had fun with my sons setting up a lemonade stand. We got the lemons, made a sign, bought the sugar and cups. They excitedly ran up to people walking by, asking if they wanted to buy some. It was a sweet scene. But if you had asked me whether it was a successful business venture, I’d have to say no. I lost money. The cost of materials far outweighed the profit.

But that wasn’t the point.

It was never about making money. It was about time together, about connection. The lemonade stand was just a backdrop for the relationship. I wasn’t trying to calculate return on investment. I was simply enjoying being with my children.

This kind of mindset is exactly what the Jewish calendar challenges us to reflect on during the Three Weeks, a national period of mourning that begins with the 17th of Tammuz. These weeks mark the breaching of Jerusalem’s walls, the destruction of the Temple, and other tragedies.

There are two basic types of relationships that people have.

Some are transactional, like business partnerships. One person handles marketing, the other does operations. As long as both contribute and benefit, the partnership continues. But if the venture stops being profitable, the relationship often dissolves. These connections are built on performance.

But other relationships are rooted in something deeper. The bond between parent and child, siblings, or lifelong friends doesn’t depend on output. These connections are based on a soul connection. Even when one side is struggling, the relationship holds.

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I want my children to know that my love for them doesn’t depend on grades or accomplishments. Of course I want them to thrive, but our relationship isn’t a business. They are not “nachas-generating machines.” Their well-being is far more important to me than SAT scores.

Jewish tradition teaches that our relationship with G-d is like that. The Torah says, “You are children to the L-rd your G-d” (Deuteronomy 14:1). That is not the language of employer and employee. It is the language of family.

There is a powerful story in the Torah that illustrates this. The prophet Shmuel was born after his mother, Channah, prayed for years to have a child. According to commentaries, the Kohen Gadol Eli told her that Shmuel would have to leave this world, but reassured her that she would receive another son-maybe even a better one. A smarter one, one that would generate more accomplishments and nachas.

Channah responded, “For this child I prayed” (I Samuel 1:27). She didn’t want a replacement. Her love was not based on potential or on what Shmuel could accomplish. It was rooted in who he was. I poured my soul into this child. This is the child I want.

Now contrast that with Bilaam, who was hired to curse the Jewish people. He saw the nation and judged them based on output. According to the Midrash, he even built seven altars to show that he could offer G-d more than the Jews ever did. His message was clear: if this relationship is about productivity, I can deliver more.

But he misunderstood the nature of the bond. G-d’s connection to the Jewish people was never based on results. It wasn’t about performance or profitability.

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That is what makes the 17th of Tammuz so significant. On the surface, it marks failure. The offerings stopped. The structure fell apart. The business failed. But in that moment of collapse, something deeper was revealed. If the relationship had been based on what we could offer, it would have ended then and there.

But it didn’t. We are still here. Still praying, still hoping, still trying. That tells us something powerful.

If a relationship ends when the business breaks down, it was never real to begin with. But if, even at our lowest point, we still turn to reconnect, that means it was never about the business. It was always about the bond.

Dovid HaMelech said in Tehillim (34:19), “Hashem is close to the brokenhearted.” Even when I feel far away, I still look toward Him-and the eyes of Hashem are looking at the world, seeking to link up with mine.

As we move through this season of reflection and mourning, let us remember what has never been lost. Our relationship with G-d is deeper than a contract. It is not a performance review. It is a connection between a people and their Creator, between children and a parent. That connection is not severed by failure. If anything, it becomes clearer in those very moments.

That is the message of the 17th of Tammuz. And it is what gives us the strength to keep moving forward-not because we are earning love, but because we are living it.

Rabbi Benny Berlin is spiritual leader of BACH Jewish Center in Long Beach.

Write: Columnist@TheJewishStar.com