Listen to G-d’s order: Stay with your children

My son just started Sunday school. While my wife takes him and a carpool of boys to school, I bring our other two sons to shul. My two-year-old can’t sit quietly through Shemoneh Esrei yet, and my four-year-old isn’t quite ready either, so I set up two chairs outside the sanctuary and keep them occupied with snacks and picture books.

I slip in for Kedusha and Barchu when I can. I’ve been trying to arrange a babysitter and figure out a better system for Sunday mornings. But as I juggle these roles, I find myself wondering, I’m the rabbi here, but what does G-d want from me right now?

Inspiring a congregation is important, but at that moment, I remembered a mussar I heard from Rabbi Penner. It is a teaching that applies to any aspiring communal leader. It comes from a remarkable pasuk that defines Avraham’s greatness. An unexpected pasuk.

For I have known him, that he will command his children and his household after him, that they shall keep the way of G-d to do righteousness and justice.”(Bereishis 18:19)

That pasuk really puts things into perspective. G-d’s pride in Avraham isn’t about public miracles or leading nations. It’s about guiding his own children toward tzedakah and mishpat, righteousness and justice.

Right now, we are in Mar Cheshvan, a month with no holidays or big events. The sukkah is put away and stored, and Chanukah is still weeks away. It’s a quiet time, but that quiet matters. This is when the inspiration from the chagim needs to become part of our daily lives.

Growth isn’t about quick spiritual highs. It’s a lifelong journey. Real change happens not during Neilah, but in Mar Cheshvan, as we return to normal life. That’s why we read Bereishis now. After the powerful days of the Yamim Noraim, we go back to our roots. We see Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov not just as legends, but as fathers. These parshiyos remind us that holiness starts with small, quiet choices at home, with family.

• • •

In Charan, Avraham had already built a following. The Torah says, “the souls that they had made in Charan” (Bereishis 12:5). There were thousands whom Avraham and Sara had inspired. When G-d told him to leave, he assumed he was meant to continue that success in Canaan, to bring monotheism to the whole world. He even brought Lot, his last close relative, along with many followers.

But G-d slowly taught him that his destiny would not lie in numbers. Egypt rejected him. Lot departed. When we see Avraham again in Vayeira, he is sitting outside his tent after his bris milah, still in pain and without a child. What happened to the souls that Avraham and Sara inspired? 

Avraham is worried that his covenant will leave him alone, with no one to join him. He waits for guests, hoping someone will still want to come into his tent in the sweltering heat. G-d sends three angels, not just to heal him, but to reassure him. His future isn’t about public fame. It’s about having a son.

Then comes the statement, Ki yedativ (I know him) — because he will teach his children. That’s what true greatness is.

• • •

This message is humbling for anyone in public leadership. We hope to inspire communities, write sefarim, and change the world. We want to have our shiurim packed with people who are inspired in Torah and in mitzvos.

But sometimes G-d quietly says, I need you to read bedtime stories. I need you to be present. I need you to raise your own children, because no one has been tasked with that besides you.

So I am sitting outside shul with my boys. I want to be in shul. Why can’t I figure out a babysitter during this time? Maybe I can get my parents to come in from Teaneck?

But a quieter voice reminds me, this is also avodah. And if I truly care about my congregation, then this is a lesson I need to teach them as well: The patience to read an aleph beis book while the minyan goes on inside.

Please don’t misunderstand me. Minyan is important. I truly enjoy minyan and davening to G-d sincerely. However, the small hand reaching for yours during davening is also holy. 

These moments aren’t distractions from serving G-d. They are the service itself.

For I have known him, that he will command his children and his household after him (Bereishis 18:19).

That verse stays with me as I hold my sons outside the sanctuary. Sometimes, the holiest place isn’t the pulpit, but two folding chairs, whispering Shema to a restless toddler, passing on the torch that Avraham first lit.

Rabbi Benny Berlin is spiritual leader of BACH Jewish Center in Long Beach.

Write: Columnist@TheJewishStar.com