From the heart of Jerusalem: Rav Binny’s lesson in overcoming hate
Imagine if you could destroy all the feelings of hatred in your life. Imagine if the next time that guy you can’t stand walked into the room, you could somehow be spared the pains of loathing. Imagine not having a single enemy in the world. Wouldn’t life just be more pleasant? Seems like a pretty lofty goal.
How can we possibly control our emotional and instinctive reactions especially when we feel mistreated? And yet that is exactly what the Torah demands: “Do not hate your brother in your heart.” (Vayikra 19:17) The text doesn’t just discourage hatred or describe the dangers of hatred. It goes so far as to outlaw it. In this article, I would like to share an approach to this halacha that I learned from my Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Binny Freedman, an approach that changed my life. I have come to see just how possible it is to follow such a command. Even if we define hatred as any degree of contempt whatsoever, I believe that this uncomfortable and counterproductive emotion can be conquered. First we must understand the source and nature of hatred, even in its mildest forms.
Let’s start with a fairly common example. A person is driving his car and somebody cuts him off. Without question, such episodes would evoke in me feelings of contempt directed at the assailant. Many might even start honking and cursing at the perpetrator.
I would argue that the frustration that comes with being cut-off is actually not a result of having to slow down and wait in traffic. My proof—imagine a second case in which the driver renounces his right-of-way on his own by waving the other driver by. I would expect that this time, even though the driver once again loses time, he would actually feel pleased especially when he sees the recipient’s thankful nod.
While these two scenarios are practically identical, they involve opposite emotions. It seems, therefore, that the root of the hatred is not the technical circumstances (having to wait) but rather the relationships involved.
