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A murderer from a good family


The crazy thing is, I have a Friend on Facebook whose Friend is a murderer. When you go to my Facebook Friend’s page, the top message is to the other Friend: “Please tell me you didn’t do it???” followed by sobbing emojis.

The message reads: “I hope they are mistaken about this whole situation and it’s not you. I just couldn’t believe it would be you,” followed by more expressions of shock and dismay and more broken hearts and sobbing emojis.

The other day, this young Israeli guy murdered his wife.

Their Facebook page tells a different story. You see a loving couple. An adorable baby. Scenic photos with what appears to be a young loving family in the foreground.

It’s just that now the wife and mother is dead, stabbed by her husband with a kitchen knife. She was a social worker. He worked with at risk youth. Put together, two idealistic professions.

It’s creepy how these days we have intimate access to a stranger’s Facebook page, to a murderer’s Facebook page, to see urgent and alarming messages from close friends; we witness the unfolding reaction in real time of his inner circle and see photos leading up to the bitter day, photos that reflect an image of a “good family.”

When you think of domestic violence, this couple is not the picture that comes to mind. Let’s be honest; we think low socioeconomic level, low quality of life, uneducated, unemployed, race … fill in the blank.

This story shatters all those stereotypes.

A loving couple who seemed “normal” has succumbed to domestic violence. The wife was murdered, in her own home.

Because it is, thankfully, such an aberration, it is a shocking story. And because the image of the couple breaks stereotypes, it has rippled in the community that much more.

This heartbreaking story has put a mirror up to all of us: there’s a potential for violence within each and every one of us. Men and women, domestic or otherwise.

If we don’t work on reigning in our reactions from a young age, a monster can grow inside us. We are all at risk of potential violence. None of us is immune.

Here was a nice young guy who dedicated his life to working with at risk youth — who now has blood on his hands. The blood of his spouse. Of his baby’s mother.

Immediately following the murder, encased in his wife’s blood, he ran to the neighbor’s house. His immediate reaction was to run to a neighbor and get help,  not to cover it up.

We recoil with being identified with a murderer. “We would NEVER do that” we say to ourselves. Thankfully, most of us wouldn’t. Not even close. We do not carry tempers that are even remotely in the danger zone of anything resembling violence.

Yet, how many times, if behaviors had not been worked on, internalized, regulated, could they have potentially turned into that of a monster rearing its ugly head? There’s non-physical violence, too: detrimental words or shouting.

Some people are predisposed to violence. Awareness needs to be there so the urge for violence can be subdued. Or better yet, redirected.

This slain woman’s death commands us “normal people” to take stock because on some level we are all at risk for violence. To different degrees, and it’s a shifting target.

Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are suffering from abuse, from domestic violence, please reach out to appropriate safety networks and know that there are people behind you who will help and be there for you as you navigate this painful and complex situation, while maintaining your complete confidentiality.

Because, unfortunately, violence can and does also happen in “good families.”

Copyright Intermountain Jewish News