TRUE! Jews control the world! Egypt’s new president is a Jew!

When I first heard the Muslim Brotherhood claim the interim Egyptian President Adli Mansour was Jewish, I was shocked and angry. How the heck did they figure it out? That was one of the closest held secrets of the World-Wide-Jewish-Conspiracy!

That announcement came on top of the news that the Government of Turkey blamed their anti-Islamist protests on the Jews. That one wasn’t a leak; it was a stupid mistake. The guy we sent in to run the protests forgot where he was for a second and tried to organize a Havah Nagilah circle dance (Shlomo will not be allowed out by himself for a while).

Now that the word is leaking out, it is high time to fess up and tell the world the truth: We Jews are running the protests in the Arab nations, in fact we run everything--the entire world. And we’ve been running things for a very long time, manipulating world events for our own needs.

It’s time to reveal the truth that many famous people throughout history were actually Jewish — part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge.

Martin Luther — yep, a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one. Ask any Jew, he will tell you about the synagogue he goes to--and the one he would step into only over his own dead body.

Napoleon was a Jew — no wonder he wanted to reconvene the Sanhedrin. The French Emperor had this nervous habit of playing with the Star of David hanging on a chain around his neck all the time. The guy would look ridiculous always sticking his hand in his shirt to play with the star.

Alexander Graham Bell, another closet Jew. The only reason he invented the telephone was so he could call his mother.

For those of you wondering about the media…yep, it’s Jewish controlled. We have this guy Lenny (a Levite) who lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. Lenny inherited the media-control job from his father, Mel, who in 1942 was able to convince the New York Times and other western newspapers to bury their coverage of the Holocaust in the back of the paper. That way no one would guess that we control the media.

All the mainstream news media in the world report to Lenny. As a news director, he is the best we’ve had for centuries. It was Lenny who thought up the idea that most news media should slant their coverage against Israel. A few years ago he won an award for coming up with the idea that media should not use the word “terrorist” whenever a Jew was killed.

For those of you who follow football, last year’s NFL Cinderella story of the Baltimore Ravens was Lenny’s creation. Lenny’s cousin Abe (on his mother’s side) owns a pizza joint in Reisterstown near Baltimore. Lenny owed him a favor, that championship season was great for Abe’s business; take out was up 300%.

The banks? No one believes that silly thing about Jewish bankers in New York controlling all the money. Sure, they’re all Jewish, but they’re run from the Netherlands. We run the world’s monetary system from the EU central office. Our man there is named Harvey Cohn. Harvey runs a tight ship.

I spoke to Harvey today; he agrees that it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. But there is one thing he would like to do first. You see, much of the world’s “anti-Semitism” is part of the plot to perpetuate the myth that we do not run the world. Heck, Harvey even has Mel Gibson on the payroll (please don’t tell anyone--it’s bad for his image).

One thing that may surprise people is that Barack Obama is actually Jewish. He converted five years ago (It’s the only way we would let him run for president). We were honored by being invited to his bris. My wife made a cheesecake. The conspiracy council told him that he had to pick a Jew like Rahm Emanuel as his first Chief of Staff.

Obama’s anti-Israel policy was also Harvey’s brainchild. With his apparent over-the-top hatred of Israel, no one will believe that he is really Jewish. The anti-Israel policies — it’s all an act. I have seen Obama and Bibi laugh about their supposed feud in private. The two guys love each other.

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As far as foreign policy goes, it’s been Jewish controlled for a long time. Even Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel is in on it; he just acts like he hates Jews to throw people off the trail.

By the way, the Saudis were right; Barbie dolls were created as a plot to destroy the minds of Muslim children. And about the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, can you believe that some people still think that’s a forgery!

One of the most fun projects we have done recently is sending a computer virus to mess up the Iranian nuclear program. It was so much fun when they realized they were a bunch of tools — Zionist tools. The credit for this idea goes to former Secretary of State Hillary (her real name is Hadassah) Clinton. Don’t believe me? Why do you think her daughter married a Jew? BTW if you are thinking the same thing about Donald Trump because his daughter converted and married a Jew..NO! The Trumpster is not Jewish nor is he in on any of our “acts.” He really is that politically naive.

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden from our shoulders. No more hiding, no more plotting, just going about the business of ruling the world.

There is, however, a downside. What if people don’t believe us? What if the anti-Semites of the world hated us so much that they start to think we have little control over world events? What if they were to think that the Jews are an ancient people who survived only through love of G-d and His Torah? What if people were to look at us, not as world dominators, but as the teachers of how to love G-d and each other?

What am I saying? No one could believe that!