Rabbi Orlofsky’s 4-step plan for better teshuvah

Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky told the Ohel Sarah Amen Group in Lawrence that Elul is a time for teshuvah (self-improvement), yet how to do teshuvah is frequently elusive and people feel year after year that they are trying to improve the same midot (charactersics).

Orlofsky, a dynamic and inspirational speaker, referred to Rabbi Salanter’s four step program that enables an individual to be empowered with the necessary tools to effectively change. The first step is to write down the type of person you would like to be at the end of your life.

Secondly, write down something small to change for the coming year. Many times the same items are written down year after year since for one reason or another the resolution was not kept. In order to be able to maintain the resolution, it should be something that is so easy to do that you could write, “That’s silly,” next to it. Orlofsky said that Rav Shach once told people that in the coming year he was going to work on bentching (Grace after the meal) from a bentcher on Shabbat.

Thirdly, during Aseret Yimai Teshuvah (10 days of repentance), a person should take on something slightly harder, recognizing that although she is not at that point yet, she is capable of doing it.

Lastly, a person should write down what he or she plans to work on. Orlofsky noted that in the years that he wrote down what he wanted to improve, and reviewed the list from time to time, were not comparable to the years that he did not write them down.

In addition, Orlofsky mentioned the analogy of a parent teaching a child to walk. After the toddler takes a few steps alone, the child will frequently fall. While the child might be upset that he or she was unable to get far, the parent is often clapping. The parent is not focusing on the fact that the child fell, but rather that the child was able to take a couple of steps independently.

Similarly, Hashem does not rejoice when we fall; rather, He is happy and proud of all our achievements no matter how small and insignificant they may seem, since it is helping us go forward and connect closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

Many of Rabbi Orlofsky’s shiuirim can be downloaded from rabbiorlofsky.com. He addressed the women on Aug. 12.