Lech Lecha / When arguing, silence may or may not be golden

The King of Egypt discovers that the woman he brought into his chambers is married to Avraham.

“What have you done to me?” he demands of Avraham. “Why didn’t you tell me she is your wife? Why did you say she is your sister, leading me to take her as a wife? Now— take your wife and go!” (12:18-20)

Avraham’s response is silence. Either he is not given a chance to answer, or he recognized that responding, whether truthfully or in anger, would go nowhere. Avraham knew that having the last word was not only unnecessary, but if it was the wrong word, it may come back to bite him. After all, he did come to Egypt looking for help. He should be grateful he is going free with merely a tongue-lashing.

The king of Sodom arrogantly tells Avraham, who has just saved him and his people at tremendous peril and self-sacrifice, that Avraham should give him the POWs as he gives Avraham permission to keep the booty that is rightfully Avraham’s. Avraham does have the last word as he tells the king that he does not intend to keep anything beyond what his men have already eaten. Sometimes you need to give the swift kick and end the conversation, especially when gratitude should have come in the other direction — from the King of Sodom towards Avraham. (14:17-24)

In both cases, Avraham does not have nor does he intend to pursue a longer term relationship with these kings.

Let us look, however, at the two arguments Avraham has with people for whom he does care deeply.

When Avraham’s shepherds argue with Lot’s shepherds, Avraham is the one who intervenes, saying, “Let there not be an argument between me and you, and between my shepherds and your shepherds, for we are brothers.” He gives Lot a very generous offer — you pick where you want to be; whatever you choose, I will go the other way. (13:8-9) They part in peace and Avraham has achieved his objective.

After Sarah gives her maid to Avraham, demonstrating tremendous self-sacrifice and concern for her husband so he could have a son, Hagar denigrates her mistress who has been suffering with infertility for years. “I am angry at you,” she says to Avraham, “because I gave you my maid, she has become pregnant, and I have become denigrated.” (16:3-5)