Counterforce parenting hones skills, bridges gaps

Parents have always wrestled with discipline, motivation and communication issues in dealing with their children. In a bid to hone these skills, 15 parents recently completed a six week Torah Umesorah workshop at the Young Israel of Woodmere.

“It is much more than a lecture — we incorporate role plays, exercises and it is highly interactive,” Counterforce program coordinator Sterna Lerman, LCSW, told The Jewish Star. “Each parent can grow at their own pace.” Since 1981, the course has been offered in various communities in the tri-state area, including at HAFTR and TAG, she said.

Lerman said that most parents report a moderate to major improvement at home after the six sessions.

The groups are led by Cedarhurst psychologist Arlene Etengoff, who has been director of the Ohel Training Institute for ten years. “They learn to listen to their children so they’ll want to share their problems with them and how to best deal with their child’s problem,” explained Lerman. “We teach them how to build their child’s self esteem. They next learn how to effectively discipline, using consequences that work, and how to problem solve issues that are chronic and repetitive.

“We also deal with issues of values conflict, which is the nightmare of all parents. In general, we help the families have a more positive and connected relationship, increase the child’s cooperation and sense of responsibility as well as the likelihood that the child will be an independent adult.” 

Lerman said that one parent commented on his post-session evaluation form that his home is much “calmer since he now knows how to define any problem that arises and the correct methods to use.” Another parent wrote, “Big Changes, I don’t know how I was a father before!”

After the sessions, Lerman said that parents have more patience to “listen well to their children” than before and “know how to encourage both cooperation and responsibility.” The skills taught emphasize positive behavior and minimize negative behavior, with parents observing changes even after the first class.

“Parents reported changes in their relationship with their children directly attributable to the new skills they’ve begun to use.”

The next series of classes will begin either April 28 or May 5. The cost is $150 per couple. To sign up, call Sterna Lerman at 718-787-4412. The classes are geared to the YIW community but are open to others in the community as well.