For those who leave, a network of support

Within the “yeshiva world” of the most visible Orthodox communities, unity is bolstered through appearance, and an education system that often looks down on secular subjects and entertainment. For a student expressing interest in life beyond Borough Park, the consequences are social. “It’s isolating to be told that there are questions that they cannot ask,” said Footsteps Executive Director Lani Santo. “These individuals live alone.”

Founded in 2003 to assist individuals who have left the haredi community, Footsteps provides members with GED courses, resume writing workshops, and social events. “The strength of a community is support and there is little support for those who leave,” Santo said.

Shmuly Horowitz, 21, always felt different growing up in Borough Park’s Bobov Hasidic community. “I went through the system and was becoming aware of the larger world, meeting certain people like my barber, who is Jewish but not Hasidic,” Horowitz said. “Talking to them made me think of how small my world was. It was an intense curiosity.”

When Horowitz heard about Footsteps, he was impressed with its non-judgmental approach, where the clients choose how they relate to observance and which career path to take. “Footsteps kept asking me what I wanted, and I kept asking them what they had for me,” he said. After the initial impasse, Horowitz understood that the least he could receive from the organization is computer skills, a GED course to prepare him for college. “They made me believe that I can actually do it and become who I want,” Horowitz said. He also credited his family, which continues to embrace him, despite their differences in religious outlook.

For other self-described Footsteppers, the transition into secular life was as physical as mental. Adina, 35, a lawyer living in Westchester, described her experience as a “coming out,” shattering her parents’ expectations, which was followed by her relocation from Baltimore to New York. “It was a very yeshivish community. Questioning things at a young age, I knew that I would be leaving,” Adina said. While satisfied with her graduate degree, dating, and independence, she missed her family and the sense of kinship that defines Orthodox communities.