Judy’s rules of engagement

Last week, my son Jeremy got engaged. To say I was thrilled is an understatement. I could not have picked a more perfect girl for him. Darya is charming, delightful, intelligent, fun loving, beautiful, caring and sweet.

As soon as I got the call that they were engaged, memories started dancing in my mind: when he was born, his first birthday, his first day of school, first day of camp and his first tooth.

I attended every one of his basketball, hockey, baseball and soccer games. I sat in the stands cheering as if he were starring on the Rangers playing at The Garden.

Jeremy was an even-tempered child who rarely complained. He demanded very little. As he got older, the only thing he asked of me was not to ask too many questions when he was dating someone. I usually adhered to the rule, but every now and then I crossed the line. So, it came to be that, unless it was serious, he wouldn’t mention anything to me. And if he did, it was never too much info. From Jeremy’s perspective, less was more.

When he began dating Darya, he said he was dating a nice girl from Albany, who went to NYU undergrad and now was in Cardozo Law School along with him, where he met her on moot court. I told him I was happy for him and then said, “I’m guessing you’re not going to tell me her name.” “Of course not,” he replied, “you’ll look her up.”

“I would not,” I said, knowing full well I would. But hey, how many things don’t the kids tell us?

Luckily for me, Jeremy’s dad was in Cardozo a few weeks later to act as a judge for their moot court team. He texted later that night and said as luck would have it, Jeremy’s girlfriend walked by with her friend and he got to meet her. He said she was adorable and charming. “So nice,” I said nonchalantly, while holding my breath, “did you happen to catch her name?” “Yes, her name is Darya,” he replied.

As soon as I hung up I rushed to Jeremy’s Facebook page, and although I was not friends with him, I thought maybe I could see his friends. Bingo, I was able to see it. And there was her name, but her page was totally private, no info, no picture, nothing, nada. Sigh. So close, yet so far. Then on a whim, I Googled her name. Up it popped along with info about her being a two time gold medal champion figure skater for Israel, who was also the first skater to represent Israel in the ladies event at the ISU (International Skating Union). She also skated with the U.S. Olympic team. That obviously wasn’t her, I thought, Jeremy would have mentioned that tidbit. But as I was about to delete it, I noticed the skater was born in Albany the same year as Jeremy’s girlfriend. Nah, can’t be, or could it? How many Darya’s were born that year in Albany?

So, after a sleepless night of trying to figure out how to tell Jeremy what I had done, I just came right out with it. Not in person, of course, I wasn’t that brave. I called him up and in my speed talking voice, while literally covering my head as if he were going to throw something at me, I said, “I know you’re going to kill me but by any chance, is your girlfriend a professional figure skater?”

He chuckled and said sheepishly, “Oh yea, I forgot to mention that.” He actually laughed when he realized the hoops I had jumped through to find out about her. I apologized, and he said, “It’s ok, Mom, but that’s why I don’t tell you anything.” To which I replied, “If you told me I wouldn’t have to do a Google search — it’s your fault!”

So here they are today, both lawyers, both wonderful kids about to embark on a new life — and I’m about to embark on planning an engagement party.

Things are much different today than they were when I got engaged in 1983. There were no such things as registries in the religious circles. You received whatever your friends or family wanted to get you, or more commonly, items that they had received and immediately rejected.

My year was the year of the bowl. I received 12, some crystal, some ceramic and some silver, along with seven silver challah knives. So return some, you say? No such luck. In those days you got gifts in a plain white box having no idea where it came from. Today, brides register and get exactly what they want, instead of a gift that would best be ensconced in an unfinished basement closet.

Parties today are nothing like they were in my day. Back then, friends made me a surprise engagement party, consisting of about 50 people. Today, there is a small party the night of the engagement with a mere 70 to 100 people and then, a few weeks later, the “real” party with up to 400 or so of your closest friends and family. There are photographers, musicians and bartenders. (I shouldn’t complain, as that’s my business.)

Let’s not forget the lengths we all go through to surprise the bride, the day of the proposal, although the wedding date has been chosen, the hall has been booked and the girl picked out her diamond ring. Lastly, you have to love the elaborate schemes that men are pressured to conjure up to accomplish a worthy proposal. Merely asking, “Will you marry me”? in a sincerely hopeful manner, would qualify as an uninspiring second rate effort. That’s no way to embark on a marriage. So guys, heads up!

Talking of engagements, here’s a recipe for “engagement chicken,” which, believe it or not, is reputed to inspire men to propose within a few days of eating it.

Engagement Chicken

Ingredients:

1 whole chicken, 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice, plus 3 whole lemons (including 1 sliced for garnish), 1 tablespoon kosher or coarse sea salt. 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, fresh herbs of your choice for garnish

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 400°F. Wash and pat chicken dry.

2. Place chicken breast side down in a pan fitted with a rack. Pour the lemon juice all over the chicken, both inside and out. Season chicken all over with salt and pepper inside and out.

3. Prick 2 whole lemons three times each in three different places with a fork and place them deep inside the cavity.

4. Put the chicken in the oven, lower the oven temperature to 350°F, and roast, uncovered, for 15 minutes.

5. Remove the roasting pan from the oven. Using tongs or two wooden spoons, turn the chicken breast- side up. Insert a meat thermometer in the thigh, and return the chicken to the oven and roast for about 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes or until the meat thermometer reads 180°F and the juices run clear when the thigh is pricked with a fork. Continue roasting if necessary. Keep in mind that cooking times in different ovens vary; roasting a chicken at 350°F takes approximately 18-20 minutes per pound, plus an additional 15 minutes.

To comment on this feature, or to contact Judy Joszef, write Judy.soiree@gmail.com